Why Reject Hurts - Part 1 of the Rejection Series For Men

Filed Under: Relationship Advice

Date Created:02 Sep 2014

Last Modified:02 Sep 2014

Number of Views: 1571

This article is tailored especially for the guys. Ladies, yours will be coming a little later (right after I do some consultations).

Ever wondered why some guys kill themselves when a girl rejects them; why the world ends for them and they see no point in living?

Okay, maybe not every guy would rush to kill themselves. But most of them have contemplated that option. But how most people react in the wake of rejection is as good as suicide. They stop eating, they stop bathing, they stop their normal routines-- they suffer a total system shut down.

I know. I have been there. I have been rejected. In cold blood. More than once. So I know how it feels and why you would opt for the proverbial Option C.

Rejection is in two major categories: there's the less minor but still severe 'Before commitment' rejection and the more severe and devastating 'After Commitment' Rejection. I will explain these two rejections now. 

Before Commitment Rejection

This rejection is less minor and happens when  a girl rejects your proposal for a relationship. This is the more common one and happens to a lot of us guys. Let me elaborate.

There's a girl you have taken a liking for. She may be in your class, in your neighbourhood or in your church. 

You do your consultations and everyone tells you she is a really good girl and is seeing no one. 

You convince yourself that she is the one and you start insinuating yourself closer to her. You 'accidentally' bump into her and perform a whole assortment of tricks just to capture her attention. You greet her whenever you can and perhaps you even go as far as getting her number through some devious, under hand methods.

Now the stage is set and you are ready to confront her with the proverbial proposal. You rehearse all night and day, searching for the perfect way of making your intentions known. You even research, perhaps even reading some Michael Sinkolongo poetry or romantic stories for some pointers. 

Finally, you are ready to drop the bomb shell. You muster all the courage in the world  and confront her. 

"Hey Bella. I have something to tell you. I um... wanna... what I am trying to say is... um... can we go out sometime? I really like you and would like to know you better."

You watch in horror as the smile on Bella's face melts away into an expression of disgust. And then she opens her mouth:

"Are you out of your mind? You... you... I can never date you. You are so not my class!"

Okay, maybe Bella wouldn't be that mean. But whatever she says or doesn't say, let's face it, you will hurt like hell. 

You trudge away miserably, feeling like a worthless piece of worthlessness.

Yep, you have been rejected by the one girl you like in the whole world. That got to hurt. 

And you tell yourself you will forever be alone because she is the only girl you ever dreamt of being with.

After Commitment Rejection

This rejection is perhaps the most painful of all rejections. You are in a good relationship. Everything is fine. You have even started making wedding plans. Your parents love her. Your relatives love her. Surely nothing can go wrong. 

Then suddenly, boom! Your sweet fiancee wakes up on the wrong side of the bed one day and says 'I... can't go on with this. It don't feel right no more.'

Suddenly, your whole world blows to bits right in your face! Everything you ever worked for shuttered to smithereens. And you don't even know why--at first that is. Later you find your ex lover has quickly replaced you with thee guy; and it all suddenly dawns on you: you have been rejected for someone else.

And what is worse, you don't recall anything you may have done wrong to be rejected; and no proper reason is given--just accusations that cannot be proven.

Why Before Commitment Rejection Hurts so Bad

Basically it hurts because it makes you feel worthless. It makes you feel as if you are not much of a man. 

We all want to believe that we are so great that every girl out there will want to be with us. And so when a girl rejects us, we lose our self esteem and think we are not good enough for any girl on the planet. We take is so strongly on ourselves and start blaming ourselves thinking perhaps we did not try hard enough or fight hard enough.

Why After Commitment Rejects Hurts like Hell

You put in your ALL. You dived in head-long. You gave yourself away. You took off the mask that the whole world sees and undressed yourself, becoming exposed and naked to her. You gave her your heart. You believed she was the one and invested heavily. And then she tosses all that away as if it meant nothing.

You feel used. You feel exploited. 

You withdraw into the proverbial corner, wanting to die.

Some guys unfortunately, allow the pain of rejection to get to them and we have heard of those who even end up killing themselves. 

Through this series of articles I call the rejection series, I hope to help guys out there who are suffering from rejection to recover and move on and realize that rejection is actually a good thing. 

My next article will discuss Why Guys Fear Rejection so Bad. Stay tuned and glued to michael-sinkolongo.com

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